WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME PART 2

WE ALL COME TO A POINT IN OUR LIVES WHERE WE CONSIDER WHY WE WERE BROUGHT TO HTIS WORLD. TO BRING JOY TO PEOPLE LIVES, TO EARN AS MUCH MONEY, TO EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF LOVE, FAMILY AND DEATH. I AM NOW AT A POINT WHERE I AM IN A CROSSROADS. I DONT KNOW WHAT I SHOULD. IT SEEMS LIKE A MINOR PROBLEM, BUT IT HAS ESCALATED INTO SOMEHTING INCOMPREHENSIBLE. ITS LIKE A SNOWBALL EFFECT. ONCE I THOUGHT IT HAS DIED DOWN, IT REAPPEARS AGAIN. I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER. I KNOW SOMETHINGS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE. LIKE FLYING, OR LIVING IN SPACE. YES EVENTUALLY IT COULD BE POSSIBLE, BUT I DONT THINK I WOULD WANT TO RISK IT.

THIS PROBLEM IS MAYBE MY FAULT. IM ATTENTION SEEKER WHO HAS ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER, I NEED THE ATTENTION, ITS WHAT DRIVES ME EVERYDAY. IT FUELS MY DESIRE TO CONTINUE LIVING. ITS A PART OF ME THAT I CANT NOT HAVE. PERHAPS THATS WHY. BUT I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES I AM TOO MUCH ATTENTION SEEKING. I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS, SOME WHOM I POUR OUT MY SORROW TO, BUT THEY HAVE WARNED ME OF THE IMPLICATIONS THAT I AM DOING. THAT I AM SENDING OUT A WRONG IDEA. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I AM AT WITS END. I WANT IT TO ALL END. WHY CANT EVERYTHING BE SIMPLY BE SOLVED BYA YES OR NO QN. WHY!!! BUT I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER. THIS FREAKIGN DILEMIA IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. I AM AT THE EDGE OF A CLIFT, HOLDING TO A BARE ROPE, ANY MOMENT I MAY JUST SLIP AND EVERYTHING MAY BE GONE, ALL THE PROBLEMS SOLVED. BUT I CHERISH LIVE. I MAY BE EMO, BUT I KNOW I HAVE AGOOD FRIENDS WHO I KNOW WILL BE THERE WHEN I NEED HELP. IN THIS WORLD WHERE TURE FRIENDSHIP IS LIKE A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK, I FEEL LUCKY. I FEEL BLESSED. I FEEL I HAVE ALL THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, TO CARRY ON, TO PERSERVERE, AGAINST ALL ODDS.